“Jumper” is a film that answers that seemingly eternal question that has pestered philosophers for ages: what would men do if they could teleport?
If “Jumper” is correct, they’d rob banks and buy themselves fancy condos. The film fields the idea, plays with it, and even gives us some nice special effects, but it’s strictly goofing off. There’s not so much as a half-hearted attempt to explore just how dangerous or useful a teleporting man could but, just how threatening they are to bank vaults and women seduced by expensive vacations (i.e. all of them).
Hayden Christensen stars as one of these fantastic teleporting men, or a “jumper,” as the title implies. While he could be a superhero (which the film alludes to more than once) or a famous magician or the most deadly terrorist or assassin the world has ever seen, he instead chooses to hang out at beautiful places and sleep with hot chicks. When in Rome, I suppose, something that literally does happen when he takes Rachel Bilson (of “The O.C.” fame) to Rome and sleeps with her.
Of course, there’s a hitch when a group of grey-clad goons led by Samuel L. Jackson (perhaps the most bulletproof actor to cast in anything) begin hunting him all over the place. “You all go bad,” he tells the protagonist while shining his killing knife, a statement that we question since none of the jumpers in the film actually appear to do much besides rob banks and kill in self-defense, but never mind.
Our hero then meets another jumper, this one obsessed primarily with taking down the people hunting him. These are the kind of battles where instead of teleporting around with a machine gun or two pistols, he wields flamethrowers and drops buses into the path of his enemies, because less-effective fighting techniques make for a much more colorful trailer.
The film is directed by Doug Liman, who seems to be gradually reducing the intelligence of his films; first “Swingers,” then “Go,” then “The Bourne Identity,” then “Mr. and Mrs. Smith,” and now this, which makes the others look like they were written by Ingmar Bergman. I often cringe when people tell me they only want to go to movies that don’t make them think, but in this case I can report that the film goes out of its way to not invoke any especially cerebral activity on the audience’s part at all, unless you’re having to write about it later, which most aren’t.
The acting has been pegged as especially wooden, but I though Christensen fit the part well, his general blandness aiding with the whole not thinking thing. Jackson practically plays the bad guy role in his sleep, while Bilson valiantly proves that one need not let a kindergarten Thanksgiving pageant level of acting talent deter them from a career as a movie star. Diane Lane even puts in an appearance as the 26-year-old Christensen’s mother, which should easily depress men like me who remember what her body used be able to melt steel.
At 90 minutes, it’s a breeze, though some might want to think of jumping to another theater. You know who you are.
2.5 out of 5
1 comments:
I haven't seen this movie, but from the preview I thought this would be a better film than you made it sound. I like to toy with the idea of teleporting in my imagination, from time to time. Also the fact that the characters didn't try to be superheros was encouraging, as the superhero genre has more than worn out my patience. But if the film is really devoid of any evocative discourse, I guess I'll pass on this one.
When you think about it, it would be really hard to write a good movie about teleporting. The concept is so unnatural that before you began you would have to invent your own fictional physics just to avoid obvious logical flaws and plot-holes. For example, if this movie had an explanation for why guns were ineffective (e.g. characters had the ability to reflexively teleport away from the path of a bullet) then there might have been less to complain about.
But, as I assume from your review, the producers were probably just looking to sell cheap thrills, and this film was the end result.
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